Last night took me back to my 3rd yaer in Beatty.How it was so unbearable at home that i lied to my mom almost everyday just so i dont have to go home early.

She and i got into a big fight last night.

I got into the Dean's list.I had really good grades last semester.My school is split into 4 colleges. College of Arts and Sciences, College of International Humanitarian Development S (something like that), College of Education and College of Business,Entrepreneurship and Accountancy.Taking psychology, i'm under the College of Arts and Sciences (CAS) and 23 of us, out of that whole college made it into the Dean's List.

I immediately texted my mom the 'good news' and she replied how proud she was and that i should keep it up.

Then come dinner time when we were eating together, she asked whether i was the highest, i said no,someone got higher than me. She was suprised.She went 'Oh,Miriam actually has intelligent students). I was starting to get pissed at that moment. I mean, just because we came from Singapore doesn't mean that everyone else is inferior to us.Sure the education back there is much better but it doesn't give her the right to give that sort of judgement.

No one has the right to judge anyone or anything.Who are we to judge?We are just mere people.The only one who has the right to judge and who should be the only one allowed to judge is our creator, GOD!

Anyway, then she asked how many of us made it into the list.I said 23 and she said 'oh,alot of people actually made it as a dean's lister'. Then she asked what was my position.I said '17th' and she commented - 'so you're actually one of the last in the group of intelligent people'.

(Disclaimer: i didnt quote her word per word.i just translated what she said from tagalog to english)

That hurt right then. It was as though she was disappointed in some way. Of course she was happy, i finally made it into the Dean's List but it's like it's not good enough to be in the 17th place. I have to be the top. It's like she expects so much from me that whatever i accomplished isnt good enough. That was a really low blow.

I admit i didnt try very hard not to keep a grudge in my heart towards her after that but i couldnt stop myself from the feeling not being able to reach your mom's standard.

What made me even more mad at my mom was how supportive and proud my dad was when he called me last night to congratulate me. I could tell my dad being proud of me was sincere,that he was honestly happy and proud of me.

I said there were 23 of us who made it and he said 'so what?I made it in.'

Why can't my mom be that supportive?

So when my mom started talking to me while i was using the computer, i couldnt keep the anger and irritation from my voice.I raised my voice one too many times and my mom just blew up.

Now?We're having a sort of war. I was packing for an out-of-town,overnight team building seminar for tomorrow. She tried to 'help'.

i was shaking with anger.LiterallyI wanted to tear everything and anything i had in my hands to keep my anger in.I'm not that dumb to lash out at my mom after being lashed at last night.

She kept saying- no, shouting- how i should have bought more clothes and shoes so that i won't have a hard time picking clothes to bring whenever i have an outing.

The problem is that i dont have any problems picking what to wear.But whatever i picked wasn't nice to ehr.She thinks it's old. She doesnt want me looking all ragged with old clothes.She thinks my friends are all dressed in beautiful and designer clothes or something just as fabulous.She thinks they dress nicely.She keeps saying how i don't know how to mix and match my clothes, how i was unfashionable,yadda yadda yadda.

The thing is,she doesnt know my friends arent that particular. I dont care what i wear. Just because you wear designher clothes,doesnt make u rich or any more or less of a person that who u really are.I wear what i like and am comfortable with. And i dont like shopping. I dont find any thrill in walking all day trying to find the perfect shoes. There are those moments that i'm inspired to go shopping but not often.

She was scolding me the whole time i was packing my bag. She ahd that stupid frown on her face.
i just wanted to shove my bag in her face and tell her to just pack it herself. My hands were trembling.

She told me that she would let me do my packing alone when i know how to dress properly.Until then,she wont leave me alone. She'll intervene or whatever.


I really really really really really really really really really really really really really really can't wait to leave tomorrow. I wont be home till Sunday.Hopefully,by then, i can let go of the anger and hurt. I was constantly praying to Lord while trying to pack. Thanks to Him, i didnt lose it.

I just want to get out of here.

I want to give up on her but my conscience won't allow me.And i have a friend who keeps reminding me not to cause it's not too late.

It's just too hard and too exhausting.

What if i want a gap between my mother and i?Does that mean i want a gap between God and me?








God, please give me the strength and courage to forgive my mom and to let go of the hurt and frustrations that i feel towards her.


I just want to get out, NOW!

Two prelims done today!WHOOO!I can rest my poor fingers now.I've got an annoying blister that just got bigger on my finger.Haha.Sounds disgusting,doesn't it?I've had it since i was a kid.I loved writing even then.

I loved writing stories. I remember writing about some monster who was my friend and he visited me everyday in a kampong house.LOL!I even tried to draw the scene but looking at the garbage that was supposed to be my drawing,i stuck to writing :)

The theology prelims reminded me of sitting for literature papers. I kinda miss that. Trying to analyze what the poet was saying, the meaning behind the poem and the possible reasons why that literary art piece was written.

I remember that we were given one hour and a half to finish 2 parts of our literature paper and it's usually never enough.Haha.You can hardly believe that you're given 90 minutes to write cause every single second is crucial.Time just flies by.Haha!I don't know.I just miss it.

I guess i just kinda miss the stress that singapore education brings.

When i first came back to the Philippines,time passed so slowly.Time is like an hour glass.I can hear every trickle of every single grain of sand.I was ready to lose my mind with boredom.School wasn't much help either.There wasn't much to do.Not much stress.One would think that it was a good life, but once you kinda got used to the hectic life as a student in Singapore,you'd end up looking for stress.

Now,it's like i'm trying to chase a bullet train.One day it's monday and they next think i know,it's friday.LOL!Time's just running past me.I feel like i'm on a travelator and everything's just whooshing past me, rushing to get their hinies to work or some appointment or whatever.And i'm the one stuck on the darn travelator trying to get to the otehr side of the room.

I can feel growing old.LOL!I DONT WANT TO TURN 20!It's just an old number.It's so big.TWENTY!The BIG TWO-OHH!It's just so weird.Knowing that it's really the end of your adolescent years.I want to stay 18.Haha!I'm gonna have a debut every July 30.LOL!

Why couldn't grade school be four years and high school be 6?Urghhh...


I have no idea what i'm ranting about.It's just freaking time.

Wonder if the world will really end on 2012.Just remember that i love you guys :)

Just woke up from a cat nap.Meowww~

I feel so rested.Haha.Slept at 2 this morning.My body was ready to collapse by the time i got home.But all's well :)

We didn't finish our proposal but we're getting thereOur Professor gave us until 5pm on Thursday.She's the kind of teacher who closes one eye and lets things slide.Sometimes,even if we don't mean to,we abuse her leniency. *blush blush* And i feel kinda bad.

Need to get my grade up in my major subject.I need a study partner.KATKAT!Be my study partner please?Haha :)

I've got a prelim and a quiz tomorrow. Theology and Industrial psychology respectively.Will be able to study late into the night.I hope!!I need coffee.LOTS of coffee.I'm also hit sleepy spells even after taking a nap of 4hrs or 5. I think it's cause my body exceeded the number of hours it was accustomed to sleeping and got used to snoozing. My body gets attached to the bed after 3 hours.Haha.It's hard to get up then.

One of the things i hate about waking up early for school is getting my body out of bed.My bed's like the sky and my blanket and pillows are like clouds.I feel as though i'm floating in the air and it's an intoxicating feeling.An out of body experience every night, or in most cases, wee hours of the morning. And when i dream, it's like a premiere night in which i'm the star.Haha!

So what's begtter than sleeping?HAHA!

ARGHHH!Trying to rush the major experimental proposal in one night.It's due tomorrow.You'd think i'd have learned my lesson regarding procrastination but surprise SURPRISE,i haven't!

You know what they say, a millionth time is the charm :)

Wish my group luck.

LORD!GOD!Please help us finsih our work on time!LOVE YOU!And thank You SO MUCH for your help during this hectic and chaotic day.LOVE YOU :)

It's so complicated yet so simple.I can't believe i'm wasting my thoughts and time on this.

I have basketball for PE, for this semester. Today we played another game. 5 quarters,i think.I played 3 of those games.

I really think picking basketball was a better choice as compared to picking volleyball.I had so much though it was really,really tiring. But as you very well know, i've got quite a bit of energy in me so i just needed a few minutes of breaks and i'm good to go :)

As much fun as basketball was,it was also kinda painful. I got hit in the face with the ball while practicing shooting (i ran under the hoop to get my ball i didnt see the incoming basketball headed towards my face) then just as the first game was about to start i collided into another player(one from the opposing team), we were trying to grab the ball that has fallen onto the floor then WHAM!The space right above my left eye brow still hurts :(( I could feel the muscle in the right side of my jaw,the one that connects my forehead and my teeth. OUCH!

It's all in the name of fun so it was fine but thank goodness it didnt happen again,by the mercy of God.

I managed to shoot some hoops.And my professor included me in his list of potential basketball players.

SCOREEEEEEEEEEE!

Hehe!Last week i didn't try to shoot the ball since i cant shoot to save my life(or my team).My professor said i could be a rebounder since i wasnt afraid of the ball(LOL!compare my size to that of the ball.I sure am heavier than that thing as well) but i didnt want to be just that.I want to be one of the representatives of our team.

THANK YOU LORD GOD for letting me play a great game today.I wouldn't have done it without Him :)

I just hope that we would do great when the interclass competition is held in the last week of February.

Wish us luck :)

There were a few games that were really funny.

1)One girl from my team began dribbling the ball towards the hoop of the opposing team.

2)There wasnt much dribbling.More of passing the ball on the floor.

3)The girls would usually scream when the ball came near them.

And the best moment yet!

Another girl from my team,from her excitment in getting the ball, she ran full throttle towards our team's hoop WITHOUT dribbling the ball.She was just clutching it to her chest as she ran for it. As though she was playing rugby.LOL!

You have to be there to witness the hilarity of those 4 scenes.LMAO!All of us had fun to say the least and we made new friends so it was a great day all in all.


THANKS BE TO GOD!

I need to go bathe now.LOL!i'm still in my PE attire. I reached home almost 3 hours ago.HEHEHE :)

Night night!

GOD BLESS!

Came back from dance class at around 3.15pm.Got back my make up kit :) the one i forgot in the venue of our Christmas recital, Crossroads 77.A blessed night :) I'll go out on a limb and say that i felt God's presence then. One good thing came after another ;)))))))))))))))

Anyway,had a blast today.My instructors and classmate liked the souvenir i got them; chocolates. Everyone loves chocolates. Okay,maybe not everyone but it can be deemed an ALMOST universal favorite comfort food. Almost...

My heart has never beat that fast before. Not for a guy. Never for a guy. But for dance and basketball :)

We played a match for our p.e. class on Thursday. It was so much fun!I think i fell in love with basketball. My only problem is that i can't shoot. I can dribble (sort of) and run(anyone can run) but shooting is one thing i can't do. I think that's why my teacher didn't see me as one of the representatives as a class.He didn't really see that i could play since i didnt try to shoot.

I'll show him!!!

I am going to be one of the basic representatives of the class. I won't settle for just a rebounder. I'm not afraid of the ball and i darn well won't be afraid of the hoop. Oh, LORD!Please help me! God, please help me shoot.Please give me the strength and power to shoot a ball through the hoop. Pleaseeee...

Hehe...

My family will be going for a debut of my childhood friend. Her party's theme is K-pop.I'm not really into that genre of music.The only ones i know are the ones who were aired over and over and over and over and over and OVER AGAIN. (Nobody, Fire anyone?)

But people have been telling me repeatedly that i look chinese or korean so i don't have to really look hard for an outfit that wuld scream K-pop. Anything i wear would be fine since i myself 'look
like' one.LOL!I don't know whether to be flattered or insulted. I just laugh it off.

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

See :)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I'll be wearing a black blazer, a gray crossback shirt (which makes me look like i'm 2 months pregnant cause it shows my curves in my stomach CLEARLY ) and my skinny jeans. As for my footwear,i'll be wearing the pair of silver heels that i used in my own debut.

As for jewelery, i just painted my, previously white, big hoop earrings with liquid paper. The white paint came off. Had to retouch it or it'll look bleahhhhh. Smart, eh? I know, i know. Thank you, thank you.

Sigh...Can't wait for the party. NOT!

I just wanted to stay home.And if possible grab a ball and play basketball with my neighbourhood friends. Suppose to go this morning but my mom and i fought and as for punishment, i can't go out for the entire weekend. As if she has ever let me anyway...

Catch y'all later!

I'm tireddddddddddddd...

It's only the second day of school and i'm already exhausted.I fell asleep in the FX even though it was hot and stuffy. Maybe it's because i ended my class that late in the evening and i didn't eat as much as i did.LOL!I'm trying to do this new thing called reducing your intake of food. The more i think about what i'm doing,the more i feel hungry so i'm trying to channel my thoughts somewhere else. Sigh...providing to be a little harder than expected.

Anyway,i gotta finish 2 problem solving qns for experimental psychology tomorrow and i have yet to know how to do it. Also i have to finish a summary of our potential major experiment, for experimental psychology as well. The major experiment is our finals for our subject,i think.But finals or not,i'll just try to do my best in it.Doing your best in something,no matter how insignificant the task,will not do u any harm, eh?

I feel like eating a biscuit. Or 3. Dangggg...

SO...

I just wana sleep.I don't wana do anything right now.I wana go to bed at 10 but it'll take a miracle to actually be able to sleep that early.

And it'll also be a miracle if i can keep my hands of the biscuits that i want. Wewewewewehhh...

THEN...

I'm still craving for them....



I should just go get them right?


I WILL GO GET THEM!

Toodles!!!

My hair's straight!Like rebond straight.And what i initially thought was a really bad hair-do for me turned out really good.Hehe :)

I didn't rebond my hair just underwent a treatment called cellophane. My hair's shiny :) but i don't know how long it's shininess will last. I was told not to bathe tomorrow.I've never really went a day before without bathing.Actually,i have.Alot of days.Once in Singapore (when i went back this year) but i never not bathed without when i have to go out of the house. I wana rinse and shampoo my hair so bad cause it still smells like the salon i went to; it isn't a pretty smell.Urghhh...

I'm happy with my hair now. I did body waves trying to make my hair fly all over the place.LOL!That sounded weird eh?I meant that when i do a side body wave, it (the wave) starts from my head(swinging it to the side i want to wave to,making my hair fly) then down to the chest,abdomen,hip and then legs,then back again from legs to hip to abdomen, chest then my head,making my hair fly again. IT'S SO COOL!

The whole hair thing makes the wave sexier and more pronounced.I love letting my hair down while dancing.Just gotta try to keep it off my face so that my facial expressions can be seen ;)

Anyway,shoutout to SAM!What a brave soul taking up 7 classes this month and also for replying to my e-mail really FAST!Like the next day fast :) ALL THE BEST BABE!I want to wear my old beatty uniform and pretend to be a student in one of your classes.I wana see how u teach!But no doubt about it,you'll be great.You'll do fine,babe!Don't worry yea?Haha!I'll pray for you and May :)

Take care y'all :)))))))))))))))))))

Gotta sleep.